Today’s post is a guest post from Nicola Salmon about getting pregnant in a bigger body or plus size TTC (trying to conceive). While I have shared my personal journey in the past, I am frequently asked for advice on plus size fertility. Every person’s experience is different, and because I’m not qualified to give the advice you’re looking for, I’m thrilled to have Nicola share her wisdom with you here. Be sure to learn more about Nicola and her work at the end of this post.
If you are thinking about growing your family, you likely won’t have escaped the idea that somehow your weight will be a problem for getting pregnant, being pregnant and becoming a parent.
Whether it’s your doctor, your family or your friends, each time someone brings up your weight in relation to your ability to become a parent, it stings.
Don’t they think you’ve tried that already?
Don’t they know that you’ve been living in this society your whole life? A society that is obsessed with us shrinking our bodies. A society where everywhere you turn, there are air-brushed images of thin, white women selling us the idea that we can be that happy when we look like them.
A society where, when you fail to meet these impossible expectations, YOU are the one that has failed. YOU are the one that was lazy/unmotivated/greedy/selfish/insert every insulting idea about fat people.
So many of us have been on the yo-yo dieting rollercoaster our whole lives. We’ve lost weight, only to regain it back, often with a little extra for good measure.
But if you want to become a parent that badly, surely that motivation will be the one to make it stick? That magic ingredient you’ve been searching for, to finally be thin?
The problem is, that’s not how our bodies work. All those diets you tried? You didn’t fail, they failed you. None of those diets have any evidence to support them working long term. Sure, they look good on paper. Short term weight loss is easy enough with enough restriction. But beyond 2-5 years? No diet has any evidence that the weight lost will be kept off for that long. In fact, the majority (over two-thirds) will regain.
Plus Size TTC: But what about my health?
I know that’s what you’re asking, because it’s the reason we’ve been told over and over again for why we need to follow these weight loss plans in the first place.
More and more research is coming out that shows that the health-promoting behaviours ie the things that you do and can control, is what is having a positive effect on your health. And they have a positive impact on your health regardless of whether your weight goes up, down or stays the same. Even if you stay exactly the same weight, you can improve your health and well-being by creating healthy habits and supporting your mental and physical health in a nourishing way.
Here are some ideas of things you can control, that will have a positive impact on your health, wellbeing and ultimately your fertility:
- Get enough good quality sleep
- Move your body in ways that feel good to you
- Get outside in the sunshine
- Repair your relationship with food – check out Intuitive Eating for more ideas on how to do this
- Drink enough water to feel hydrated
- Spend time with people who light you up
- Set time aside for you and your favourite things to do
Plus Size TTC: Those things are all well and good but what if there is more going on?
What if you need to access support from your doctor or reproductive specialist and they won’t see you until you’ve lost X kg? What if you need IVF and you can’t access it because the clinic has arbitrary (yes, they are completely arbitrary) BMI restrictions?
That’s when it gets much harder. Most doctors still assume that fat is bad. That fat people are automatically unhealthy. They assume things about our diet and our lifestyle based on nothing more than their anti-fat bias.
You are worthy of appropriate and respectful care from your healthcare providers. If you see someone who won’t help you, here are a couple of ideas of what you can do.
1. Exercise your right to choose your healthcare professionals
Depending on where you live and how you access healthcare, you will hopefully have some choice about which healthcare professionals you can see. If you are able to choose, ask questions beforehand about their experience treating people in bigger bodies and any BMI/weight restrictions they have. You can check the HAES expert directory for local providers who are fat friendly. Ask any friends you have in bigger bodies for their recommendations too.
2. Find a support person
Having someone on your side is such an important tool when you are having difficult conversations. Do you have a partner or friend who would be happy to come to appointments with you and support you? Do you have someone on your healthcare team, like a dietitian or coach, who is on your side and able to help you to prepare for appointments?
3. Learn how to advocate for your health
Advocating for your health may mean that you have to be difficult!
Decide what you want the outcome of your appointment to be and go into the appointment prepared to back up your request with evidence.
Set your boundaries at the beginning of your appointment. Think about if you want to be weighed, if you want to discuss weight or diet. Yes, these are choices and you can decline to be weighed or to discuss weight. Decide what is and isn’t ok for you and be clear with them about that.
For any test/treatment they recommend, ask for the evidence that supports it, ask for the risks and benefits and any alternatives. Having ALL this information means you can make an informed decision about your health. It’s your body and it’s your choice.
If they aren’t forthcoming with ideas, ask what their differential diagnosis is and why they’ve ruled out other factors that might be at play.
If they say no to any of your requests, ask them to document that in your file and ask to see they have done so. This holds that doctor to a level of accountability and often this may sway doctors to providing the test
Don’t be afraid to ask difficult questions and be a difficult patient. It’s your right to get this care.
It’s so important that all bodies are able to access fertility support without discrimination and judgement.
And above all, if you are in a bigger body and you are reading this right now, I want you to know that you are worthy of becoming a parent exactly as you are.
About Nicola Salmon
Nicola is a fat-positive fertility coach and author of “Fat and Fertile”.
She advocates for change in how fat people are treated whilst accessing help with their fertility.
Nicola supports fat people who want to get pregnant using her unique FAT+ve fertility framework to find their own version of health without diets, advocate for their bodies, relearn how to trust their body and believe in their ability to get pregnant in their current body.
Find out more about Nicola on her website www.nicolasalmon.co.uk or on Instagram www.instagram.com/fatpositivefertility
We hope you have found this post about plus size TTC (trying to conceive) helpful. Please share this post with any others in your life who may benefit.
