There’s just something so exciting about the fresh start of a new year and in this case… a new decade!
One of my favorite things to do on New Year’s Eve each year is to reflect back on the year past and then set intentions/goals/resolutions (whatever you want to call them!) for the year ahead.
For me, 2019 was a year of extremes. I have experienced some of the highest of high moments and some of the lowest of lows. I walk into 2020 still walking a fine line between grief/sorrow and incredible joy as we expect our daughter in February after losing our son in December.
Our journey to parenthood will likely be what defines 2019 in my mind forever because it was by far the most significant story of our year. There was much more to the journey, though, and I’ve enjoyed looking back on the many blessings of the year and sharing them with you here.
Reflection: A Look Back On 2019
I didn’t share my goals for 2019 on the blog last year, but I set MANY for myself personally and professionally. Spoiler alert… I didn’t hit most of my goals this year but they were VERY ambitious.
The #1 goal on my list for the year was “Do whatever it takes to figure out fertility issues, get answers and conceive a baby.”
While all of the other goals may have fallen short… I’m proud of the commitments I made to my health and getting answers I so desperately longed for this year. The journey is/was extremely challenging throughout the year, but I’m thrilled to have received a diagnosis, treatment, and we finally conceived in 2019.
We spent New Year’s in New York visiting Kevin’s family. Unfortunately, I was extremely sick for most of the visit and spent a lot of time in bed. I got super into The Crown on Netflix.
Kevin got a new car! We officially became what we jokingly call a “Two Cam Fam” because we both now drive Toyota Camrys.
I was asked to participate in my first-ever brand campaign photoshoot with Woman Within where I got to travel to NYC and spend time with some of my favorite bloggers/influencers!
We celebrated my birthday in Chicago and had such a great time together. We ate great pizza, shopped, and did many touristy things.
I hosted my first ever event with Lane Bryant at a store location in Northern Kentucky! It was so much fun meeting local readers!
I became a “flower influencer” in my own mind with this Kroger campaign promoting their Bloom Haus flowers! I’m obsessed with flowers, specifically inexpensive grocery store flowers so I was excited about this one!
I cut all my hair off (and subsequently grew it back out… which is the story of my life)!
We traveled to St. Pete Beach & Legoland with family!
I organized our pantry for less than $25 and have maintained the system all year! (Yes, I was excited enough about this to include it in the highlights of my entire year. You can read about it here & watch my YouTube video).
We played tourist near our new “hometown”!
I tried my best to become a “plant lady” and obsessively stalked my peonies every single day! We later planted a veggie garden and had a bit of success with our tomatoes and cucumbers (everything else was a fail).
Speaking of plant ladies… Mom and I did a floral design class for Mother’s Day!
Peonies were a success!
More gardening (sensing a theme yet for our summer?)
Kevin captured THIS moment where Jackson photobombed my Big Fig Mattress photoshoot! (PS. SO many of you guys tried Big Fig this year after reading my review. If you still haven’t… you might want to consider it for 2020. Read the review here.)
We had our first fertility treatment, and it was successful! After years of having no idea what was causing our infertility struggles, I saw countless doctors and advocated for answers. Once we found an incredible fertility specialist, we finally received a diagnosis and treatment plan. Read my full fertility story here.
We got a (+)! Quite possibly the most exciting day of my life… finding out we were pregnant! I woke up at 4 AM on the day I was finally allowed to take an at-home test and couldn’t sleep until I took one. (Hence the “gorgeous” photo of me after I woke Kevin up going crazyyy!)
Surprised my mom with pink & blue flowers (that I grew myself!) to break the news of our pregnancy!
We visited New York and shared our news with Kevin’s family!
We spent more time being tourists in our area… visited a local lake!
We took pregnancy announcement photos (but didn’t share them for a LONG time)!
I started getting a little baby bump and I loved it!
We did a lot of “back porch sitting”.
We were BEYOND thrilled to learn that we were expecting a little boy and a little girl.
Jackson got his first brand deal with Purina in support of their Purple Leash Project campaign to help establish pet-friendly shelters for people escaping domestic violence.
My family hosted the most wonderful baby shower for us!
We took LITERALLY every class our hospital offers.
We celebrated Kevin’s birthday with a low-key dinner out!
We decorated for Christmas!
I stumbled across these adorable pictures of Kevin as a child and spent way too much time daydreaming about how adorable our children will be.
We took maternity photos ourselves with Kevin’s camera mounted to our fence!
Unfortunately, on December 9th (the day after we took the maternity photos) we received the worst news of our lives that one of our children, our son, no longer had a heartbeat. Our world was turned upside down and we spent the rest of the week in the hospital monitoring our daughter (and me) to ensure we were both OK.
Now, as I write this on December 31st, I’m still grieving the loss of my son every single day but holding onto the hope that my daughter will be well and join us on the outside once she’s ready in 2020.
Overall, the early part of our year was spent with a lot of heartaches trying to figure out fertility issues and dealing with the emotional impact of not having answers we longed for. The joy we experienced from June through December with both of our babies is something I’ll never forget as long as I live. My focus now and moving forward is allowing myself to grieve our loss for as long as I need but also continuing to allow myself to experience the joy and the blessing that is my daughter.
Looking Forward to 2020
We have so much to be grateful for in 2019 and much to look forward to in 2020 and beyond. The thing I’m most excited about in 2020 is experiencing the birth of my daughter and learning all about being a mother to her. I can’t wait to experience every single first with her and show her the world.
I’ll soon be sharing a post about my word for 2019: Balance. I set a LOT of goals last year… maybe too many… and while I have a lot I want to accomplish in the year ahead, my number one priority will be finding balance in my life and focusing on what really matters most.
Also, I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my personal life. I realized in compiling this that while I share a lot on social media and the blog… I really didn’t share any of these real-life moments that actually meant the most to me this year. I plan to do more of these real-life posts this year (but don’t worry…. you’ll still get all of the usual content too plus lots of new things I’ve got in the works)!
I hope your 2019 was everything you could have asked for and that your 2020 will blow your mind with how many blessings come your way.